TO PARTICIPATE IN YOUR LIFE!
My oldest son attended Montessori Children’s House of Denver and Montessori Peaks Charter School in Colorado. I attribute a lot of his independence to both personality and the “training” he received during his younger years. For example, in his 3-5 yr. preschool classroom, snack was not “when the teacher said-so” but when the children felt they were hungry. The teachers designed the environment to allow children, two at a time, to go over and serve their own snack, pour a drink and sit with a friend.
The parameters? To follow the illustrations on how much food to serve, to sit quietly until finished at the designated table, and to clear their plates and put them in the wash-bin when finished. This built-in element of choice made the classroom run smoothly and the children were eager to get snack, eat snack, and clean up snack.
Of course, this is just one example of how much choice is built in to the Montessori classroom.
And so what does this have to do with parenting?
By taking the time to “design” the living space to allow children to participate in more day to day tasks, they can build the skills and capacity for self direction.
This was kind of easy with one kid, but once I had two more, all that nice “empowering” practice sort of took a backseat. I started “doing-for” a lot more on a task-by-task basis. But now, I get the chance to re-assess and brainstorm and all that
It’s all well and good to say “invite the kids to participate” but “how?” is usually the next question. Here are some real-life, practical ideas:
1. Toolbelt. Vicki gave a great example. She bought her kids a tool belt with a small squirt bottle, non-toxic cleaner, a towel and a duster. The children could access them and when they made a mess, knew where to find the tools.
2. Shelf in the living area. It’s helpful if you want the kids to pick up their activities to have a
designated shelf for baskets and trays. I’ve had luckier years than others with this– when I had a toddler, nope. He’d dump everything. However, my oldest keeps his room neat because he likes everything to have order. So, by keeping a shelf with bins for the top-used activities, children can learn to put them back before taking out another activity.
3. Designated drawer in the kitchen. If you’d like the kids to set the table, it can be handy to keep all the supplies in a low drawer. Then you don’t have to do anything when it’s time to set the table- they can access by themselves.
4. Bins in low cabinet. My kids get their cups / plates from a bin in the lower cabinet. They don’t need to ask (but they still do…just to bug me when I’m busy, I think) and they can proceed unattended (YET SUPERVISED) to pour a drink or get a snack. Other items to keep in bins may include: sport water bottles, napkins, paper towels, aprons, etc. 
5. Water pitcher. If your kids are driving you crazy asking for drinks all the time, a water pitcher, filled fresh each morning with a designated cup and a towel nearby can save your day! Allow them to pour drinks as desired. If they end up pouring the water for fun, set up a few cups and let them practice. This is possible from 3+. Just put a tiny bit of water for the younger ones.
6. Labeled laundry baskets. If you’re like me, thinking, right, I need to get the laundry situation figured out, I suggest one idea that my MIL gave me. She sent me three laundry bins tagged with the boys’ names. If I can get the laundry sorted, they can carry their own laundry into their rooms and put the stuff into drawers. I’ll admit, this one will NOT be easy for my family!
7. Kid-friendly kitchen utensils. My 3 year old helps me all the time. He has his own slicer. It’s got a rubber handle and he cuts everything- fruit to cheese with it. We also have a larger one with a wooden handle. I LOVE these. NOTE: SUPERVISION REQUIRED- I’m always nearby but they are free to get the utensils, cuttingboards and bowls. Other easy-access utensils include spoons, tongs (kids love using tongs), mortar and pestle, and tiny creamer carafes.
8. Snack drawer. This is especially great once the kids are old enough not to over do it. Keep healthy snacks and “ok” treats accessible to kids. Set a limit (like one fruit and on cheese snack or whatever, before dinner) and trust them have at it on their own agenda. Also, by setting a “set” number of snacks and letting them have a few too many will quickly let them realize there won’t be any left for Thursday/Friday if they eat too much on Monday Tuesday a lesson learned without any nagging!
9. Homework. I saw the coolest idea- not sure if was Martha Stewart – mailboxes in the m
ain entrance or in the kitchen can be the perfect storage spot for all in-out schoolwork for each child. This kind of organization becomes automatic to put homework/schoolpapers in a designated area.
10. Wallets with designated homes. Allowances haven’t really been introduced yet (stay tuned though!) and we haven’t had a family meeting since summer but the boys are still carrying around their wallets. By getting them set up (even @ three!) with a place to keep and carry their cash, they will quickly grow to love keeping track of money. Also, it’ll get you out of supermarket I-want-candy-power struggles later!
from parenting on track!
11. Hooks. If the kids aren’t hanging things and you’re stepping over backpacks and jackets, one idea is to create personal hooks for each child. It seems obvious but make sure they are low enough so that anything a child may leave on the floor can be be hung up by him/herself.
12. ASK vs. TELL. I have to remind myself…instead of saying, time for a bath! I’ll say, DSN, do you want to turn on the shower knobs? or shower or bath? or bath tonight or in the morning before Curious George? Offering a win-win choice is key!
13. Clothing Choice. Here’s one I find interesting–parents, in general, either do entirely or do not at all care what their kid wears. As for me, I’m lazy and I don’t want to fight about which jeans to wear and I don’t have a daughter so I never fight about pigtails…but in the long run, the sooner they can get themselves together, the sooner they can feel empowered and trusted with their own self-care. Again, DSM gets dressed the night before and heads out the door- by all means, if it works then fine!
14. Breakfast. If they can turn on a playstation 2 and save the universe, they can decide to make oatmeal, toast or pour cereal. I need to re-org the kitchen for this- to put the cereal (portioned if the boxes are too big!) in a low cabinet and a small carafe of milk on a low shelf in the fridge. Even if I’m standing within arms reach, they can still do it all. OF COURSE SUPERVISION is required when eating BUT they can handle it- pouring oatmeal packets, adding water, pressing the microwave or putting toast in the toaster…allowing them to participate in all these little tasks can set the mood for the entire day.
15. Easy-access towels. Kids make messes! I’ve found it’s easier to stomach it if they can get towels on their own. In fact, keeping a few towels hanging with clothespins is a great way for them to clean up and then hang the towel to dry, until next time! I just thought of that…I think I’ll do that. They usually grab them from the hallway but end up on the floor in back in the laundry room.
NOTE TO SELF: These guys aren’t the best at cleaning but keep yer yapper shut! If you let them “do it themselves” but correct them the whole time…shame on you. Go find something better to do 
. Like chat on the phone or pour a glass of wine…unless of course, it’s still breakfast.
Posted on February 3, 2009
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