When parenting, it’s super easy to veer off track and hit the ditch. Yelling- grouchy, stressed-whatever. I’ve been following the Parenting on Track home course for about 3 months and I’ve come to realize there are a few now-obvious reactions I should NOT do when a kid is driving me mad.
1. DO NOT use sarcasm. It only rubs the WRONG way, everytime. Considering my unwavering sense of wit and wisdom, I naturally prefer sarcasm over other comedic forms. But, even when my angels have done something SO deserving of a sharp-tongued comment like, Oh, isn’t that awesome. Look, honey, he thinks he’s awesome and doesn’t have to do anything around here. Well, if he’s so awesome, let’s see him …. That kind of grrr…you make me mad so I’ll slip a sarcastic comment in there reaction. I catch myself prior to sarcasm way more now- it’s hard but I know, deep down, it’s NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING POSITIVE for either of us.
2. DO NOT spoil a perfect, textbook NATURAL CONSEQUENCE. There’s real value in learning that if you forget your coat, you will be chilly and they won’t let you out at recess. As a mom, I screw it up if I do either of these:
a- Pack the jacket for him, on the sly
b-Let him experience the entire jacket-less episode and as he walks in the door, blurt out: “Next time, you’d better bring that coat! I told, didn’t I?”
In the final week, the lesson mentions this: if he’s about to learn it WITHOUT my interjected wisdom, let him learn it! I can say things like, “Ooh, that must have been frustrating. What will you do next time so THAT doesn’t happen?” VS. try and pull an “I-told-you-so.”
3. DO NOT FOCUS SOLELY ON PROBLEMS.
Example: My 5 year old can be a whiner. Sometimes, I get irritated and begin every sentence with “I can’t hear you until you stop whining…” “Will you stop whining?” or even think: “Wow, you are a whiner.”
But look- I’m focusing on the thing I cannot stand. Now, it’s not a big deal to say “stop whining” but it IS a big deal that as time goes on, he molds more and more into the “whiner.” It becomes identity and I when I think of it that way- I DO NOT like the idea of even gently correcting him on such flaws.
So, to drive it home, I thought…It makes me NUTS when people set up a statement TO ME in conversation like, “Don’t overreact, but…” OR “I know you won’t remember when I say…” or “I know you’re dramatic and you’re not going to like this” (heehee) – Those set ups immediately put me in a place of a)reaction or b) annoyance.
(Notice: nobody ever focused on Luke’s whining and he saved the galaxy. )
In short- it’s sometime easier to remember what NOT to do as a parent VS. all the things I should do…you know?
NOTE TO SELF: There are other, more obvious things we SHOULD NOT DO AS PARENTS…
Posted on April 21, 2009
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