photo credit: South Carolina’s Northern Kingdom (Flickr)
Ok, that didn’t help, did it? Low self esteem is internal. Wiki says, “In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person‘s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth.” A sticker will NOT bring out self worth, no matter how many we collect. That means that we, as parents, can’t bring out “self-esteem” in kids.
Even if we know that already, the question then becomes, well- fine- but how to I help with self-esteem? Adlerian and Montessori convey that WORK is WORTH. and by work, I don’t mean hard labor or child puppetry here. I’m talking valuable work that contributes to the community and the environment.
Funny, though, I’ll admit- I’ve been desperate enough to try and “fix” my kids annoying or irritating behaviors by creating charts, stickers bonuses and other arbitrary “rewards” for “good” behaviors. Unfortunately, the only thing that left me was a mural of Thomas the Tank Engine cemented to my wall- far outlasting the momentary effects of “good job!”
I think it’s also funny-as Vicki points out- that we say “good job” on repeat…even if the “job” sucks. But the point? It doesn’t matter if the “job” sucks or not. So what if you drew a cat that looked like a mountain. It’s not really “good job” but we say it anyway! The point? By chasing our kids and praising them, we rob them of the chance to develop value on their own. They look to us for an empty approval.
NOTE TO SELF: If only someone had given me just one more sticker!
From Butt-Head to Well-Behaved: 
Posted on March 5, 2009
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